Co-Parenting After Divorce: Making Arrangements That Actually Work

This post covers the law as it applies in England and Wales (correct at July 2026). |  Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Many families stay together "for the sake of their children." We may all have a view of how beneficial this is, but there is no doubt the fear of not spending time with children on separation is a major issue for many people.

Successful co-parenting after divorce, ensuring each parent is a reliable presence in the life of their children, is easy to say, but in practice what does this look like?

There's no formula for co-parenting after divorce

For starters, there is no formula for how much time children "should" spend with their parents, nor who they should live with. The law does not make any assumptions here, and there is no presumption in favour of one parent over the other. In fact, quite the opposite is true; unless there is a good reason, the law assumes each parent should play a part in the lives of the children. Being unreliable or bad with money, or indeed forming a new relationship, are not reasons to suspend or modify child arrangements per se.

Often, parents fall into the trap of considering different parenting styles as a reason to prevent their son or daughter seeing the other parent. Generally, this is not the case, and issues which centre on the adult relationship must be shown to impact on the child arrangements in order to be relevant.

Arrangements change as children grow

Clearly, what is appropriate must reflect the reality of children's lives and take account of their needs, which, as we all know, change as time passes. Unlike financial settlements, there is no permanent arrangement that can be made, although a court can make a final order if one parent makes a court application. Parents separating with pre-school aged children will have to navigate many permutations as their son or daughter grows, whereas parents of teenagers face an entirely different situation. Each is treated according to the needs of the child.

Consistency and flexibility in co-parenting after divorce

If an arrangement is made, it should be followed unless there is a good reason. Having a school activity, party or football training to go to is not reason enough to alter this. Successful co-parenting after divorce involves two conflicting principles: certainty and flexibility. The key here is not the law, but the relationship between the parents and the extent to which they can communicate effectively.

When to get help

If you are separating and cannot make arrangements that work, the first professional you should contact is a therapist, or divorce coach. It's vital that your "stuff" about the relationship ending is dealt with as soon as possible, regardless of whether the other person does the same, it will help you see the situation with greater clarity. Cafcass's Planning Together for Children resources are also a useful starting point for practical guidance on communication and co-operative parenting after separation.

Of course, there are cases where a solicitor needs to be involved immediately, sometimes if only to give you a sense of how the law would apply to you and discuss the detail of what should happen. But if one parent is refusing to discuss or make any arrangements, or is saying they are going to relocate, it is wise to deal with this immediately.

If you need further help, or wish to speak to one of the team, you can contact us.

FAQs

What does co-parenting after divorce actually involve?

Co-parenting after divorce means both parents remaining a reliable, ongoing presence in their children's lives, even though they are no longer together. There's no fixed formula for how this looks; the law focuses on the needs of the children rather than prescribing a set arrangement.

How much time should children spend with each parent after divorce?

There is no set formula, and the law does not presume that children should spend equal time with each parent. Arrangements should reflect what works for the individual family and the changing needs of the children as they grow.

Can one parent stop the other from seeing the children?

Not without good reason. The law assumes both parents should play a part in their children's lives, and factors such as a new relationship or differing parenting styles are not, on their own, valid reasons to restrict contact.

What should I do if we can't agree on arrangements for our children?

If ongoing communication has broken down, a therapist or divorce coach can often help you process the end of the relationship so you can approach arrangements more clearly. Where one parent is refusing to engage at all, or is threatening to relocate, it's important to get legal advice promptly.