Child arrangements: work life balance

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

The welfare principle: the legal starting point

The key principle when making child arrangements is the wellbeing of the children. It's what family lawyers call the welfare principle. Under section 1(1) of the Children Act 1989, the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration in any decision about their upbringing.

To give that principle some structure, section 1(3) of the Act sets out what is commonly known as the welfare checklist: a set of factors the court must consider when making contested child arrangements orders. Those factors include:

• the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child, considered in light of their age and understanding
• the child's physical, emotional, and educational needs
• the likely effect on the child of any change in circumstances
• the child's age, background, and any other relevant characteristics
• any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
• the capability of each parent to meet the child's needs

However, these are little more than general points, and in practice they are often difficult to apply. Difficult to apply in the sense that everyone has their own view of what welfare means, and much like fairness, it is apt to differing interpretations.

The reality of making child arrangements work

Allied to this is the reality of people’s lives. We increasingly hear about the stresses and strains and the hardships involved in setting a proper work life balance.

That’s true when you are dealing with one household, but when dealing with two households, this raises the problem to a higher level. Often, commitments are such that what we would like to do, in reality we are unable to fulfil. This is relevant to child arrangements too.

When court orders aren't enough

We are regularly instructed by clients, who, with final court orders, simply cannot make the arrangements work. Court orders do have the advantage of providing certainty, and are binding, but they often lack flexibility. Despite most orders containing provision to vary (such further or other contact as may be agreed), the fact that agreement may be difficult to reach, means this provision is often rendered meaningless, no more than a fertile ground for disagreement.

There are no hard and fast guidelines on what to do here.

If, for example, your job involves you regularly having to travel abroad, sometimes at short notice depending on the demands of the business, it may simply be impossible to fulfil your child commitments.

When conflict takes hold

This can be the source of high conflict: understandably so. If you had planned for your children to be away during half-term with your ex and so booked a short break for yourself, only for your ex to say that they can no longer make it because of work, understandably you may not be best pleased. If this pattern is repeated, tension grows and with it, resentment.

How then to manage this problem? There is no easy solution.

A holistic approach: lawyers, therapists, and divorce coaches

However, experience has taught me that while lawyers can assist in crafting solutions and sometimes are better at communicating (yes, we are not all rottweilers with keyboards), there is also a role for a more therapeutic approach. If these tensions persist, then the conflict will spill over, and the children will undoubtedly be affected.

If this is combined with different parenting styles, you can have a situation in which children become suddenly resistant to spending time with the other parent. This can result in all contact stopping at its worst. The parent with care often says the children simply do not want to spend time with you (and you know that is not true) and so blame that parent for poisoning the children’s minds.

Rebuilding communication

The first casualty in this situation is communication. Rebuilding communication can be done with lawyers, through a court order or varying arrangements by agreement. Experienced family practitioners often avoid the worst excesses of Kramer v Kramer (if you are old enough to remember that iconic film) with a more conciliatory child-centred approach.

The input of other related professionals, whether therapists (family or individual) or divorce coaches who may themselves have the experience of going through a separated or blended family situation will assist in rebuilding trust and better communication.

These are tools which we can draw together in a holistic package to resolve these problems before they become entrenched and cause your children harm.

Exploring alternatives to court

Where child arrangements are in dispute, it is often worth exploring whether a non-court route might help before matters escalate. Mediation, in particular, can provide a constructive space for parents to work through practical disagreements with the support of a neutral third party. You can read more about the options available in our guide to non-court dispute resolution.

Where finances are also in dispute following a separation, it is worth understanding that child arrangements and financial matters are dealt with separately by the courts. Our guide to financial remedy proceedings explains how that process works.

Get in touch

If you would like to know more about child arrangements, or if you are finding it difficult to make existing arrangements work, we are always happy to have a no-obligation chat about the way forward. Please give us a ring on 020 4579 5360 and we can talk about your specific circumstances, or visit our child arrangements service page for more information.

Frequently asked questions about child arrangements

What does a child arrangements order cover?

A child arrangements order is a court order that sets out where a child lives and how much time they spend with each parent or other significant people in their life. It replaces what were previously known as residence and contact orders. A child arrangements order is legally binding, but courts will always encourage parents to reach agreement without an order where possible, as flexible arrangements that both parents commit to tend to work better in practice.

What does the court consider when making a child arrangements order?

The court's starting point is the welfare principle: the child's wellbeing is the paramount consideration in every decision. To apply this, the court works through the welfare checklist set out in section 1(3) of the Children Act 1989, which covers the child's wishes and feelings, their physical, emotional and educational needs, the risk of harm, and the ability of each parent to meet those needs. No single factor automatically outweighs the others — the court weighs them together in light of the specific circumstances.

Do I need a court order to formalise child arrangements?

Not necessarily. Many parents reach workable arrangements by agreement, sometimes with the help of solicitors or a mediator, without ever going to court. Instructing a solicitor does not mean matters need to become acrimonious or lead to court proceedings. However, if agreement cannot be reached, or if existing arrangements repeatedly break down, a court order provides certainty and a clear framework. Before making a court application, parties are generally required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to explore whether mediation might be a suitable alternative.

What can I do if a court order for child arrangements is not being followed?

If the other parent is consistently failing to comply with an order — for example, repeatedly cancelling agreed contact — there are legal steps available, including applying to the court to enforce the order or to vary the arrangements to reflect what is actually workable. However, enforcement proceedings can be costly and may not resolve the underlying problem. In many cases, a more productive first step is to seek help rebuilding communication, whether through solicitors, mediation, or a therapist or divorce coach, before returning to court. We are always happy to talk through the options with you.